


You never changed - so what's this feeling?

by BooksandKpop



Series: Soft Fics 9: Every SF9 Pairing (OT2) [5]
Category: SF9 (Band)
Genre: Canan compliant, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-28
Updated: 2018-04-28
Packaged: 2019-04-25 12:15:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14378439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BooksandKpop/pseuds/BooksandKpop
Summary: It was like falling in love for the first time - not some sudden revelation, but the slow realisation that maybe you felt differently than you did before.





	You never changed - so what's this feeling?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [rubyguard](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rubyguard/gifts).



Falling for someone doesn't always happen like it does in movies; with music and lights and sudden realisations. Sometimes, it happens slowly, taking years before finally reaching that nirvana moment when you discover that the way you felt about them has changed. That's what happened with Juho when he fell for their leader.

 

They had been trainees in FNC for a long time together and Juho was full of respect and admiration for Youngbin. Not only was he in charge of keeping them all in check and making sure they did well in evaluations, but he took it upon himself to make sure every member was keeping up and took responsibility when things went wrong. Then they had to go through the pain of Dance or Band with an uncertain future hanging over them, but Youngbin never faltered. And when they finally got to debut, it was Youngbin who held them all up and kept strong, he was in every way the best leader they could ask for. It was surprising Juho didn't fall quicker.

Their debut and first comeback passed so quickly, in a whirlwind of activity and trying their hardest to gain the attention of fans. Not once did Youngbin ever lead them to believe it was impossible, he was their rock and their support system, Juho often watched him in awe. Of course it was that awe that grew into something more, something a lot less platonic. But he didn't notice the change at first. After all, he wasn't gay, so there must have been another explanation. 

Then it became time for them to have their second comeback. It all happened so quickly, they began to practice before they even finished their "Roar" and "Still My Lady" promotions. It was exhausting but Juho wouldn't have it any other way. Even though they were all often so tired they could barely drag themselves back to the dorms, Youngbin never showed signs of letting them down, and it was probably the 2 am dance practices that Juho's feelings began to change more quickly. Because Juho began to find himself staring at their reliable leader more and more often; from their rehearsals to just eating at the dorm. More often than not it caused his stomach to do weird twisty things, but he always contributed it to tiredness of some form.

Youngbin was a constant for all of the members, he showed them all affection and made sure that all their needs were attended to. Juho knew this, and yet as they started in full for their "Easy Love" preparations whenever he saw their leader being close and affectionate with some of the others his nerves were on edge. He couldn't think of any reason why that would be, after all, nothing had changed. And Juho found himself noticing little things that he hadn't seen before. Like how Youngbin's laugh made his heart beat a little faster, or how his favoured outfit for dance practices (shorts and a muscle tee) made his palms a little sweaty. He also started to pick up on his moods more than he had before, noticing how sometimes his smile just wasn't quite as bright as before or how the shadows under his eyes became a little darker. Those things were understandable with all of the stress and hard work involved in preparing for their comeback, but what was strange was how none of the others seemed to pick up on it. 

Rowoon was someone he knew he could trust with anything, they had been together the longest out of anyone else in the group. So when the feelings he couldn't name started to make him miss beats while rapping or lose sleep at night, he knew he had to talk to his best friend about it. One of the days approaching their comeback they were given a half-day and Juho took that chance to grab Rowoon and go for a walk. They found a secluded spot in the park close to the dorms and sat down with ice-creams to talk. Juho wasn't sure why he was nervous. He took his time explaining everything to Rowoon, making sure not to miss out on any incidences or details which seemed important. And Rowoon just listened to his ramblings with a keen look in his eyes. It was only when Juho finished that he spoke up.

 

"So I just want to make sure I haven't misinterpreted anything. Recently you've found yourself watching Youngbin-hyung, and it makes you feel uncomfortable when he's extra touchy with some of the other members. And sometimes when hyung does things it makes your heart race, and when he looks tired you feel sad."

"Yeah. But I don't understand why it's just Youngbin-hyung. I mean, of course I care about everyone else in the group but for some reason this feels different."

"Alright. Juho, have you ever considered that maybe you like Youngbin-hyung as more than just a friend?"

"Well of course I do, he's our leader and I have a lot of respect for him. And we're all more than friends, we're bandmates."

"I didn't mean it like that. I meant, do you think that you might have feelings of a romantic manner for hyung?"

"Romantic - what?! Why would you think that?"

"It's just that from everything you said, it seems like you have a crush on Youngbin-hyung. And a pretty bad one at that."

"How could I have a crush on him? I'm not- am I gay?"

"That's not for me to say Juho. All I'm just pointing out is that it sounds like you may have more than platonic feelings for him and that's why you have been noticing him so much more recently."

"What - what should I do?"

"First of all, you need to think about it. See does that give you the explanation you've been looking for. If it does, well then you have a few options. You can embrace the feelings and maybe hyung feels the same, or maybe it might just be a passing thing and it could fade. That's something that you'll just have to wait and see."

"OK, I guess that makes sense. And, umm - if I need to come and talk to you about these feelings, is that alright?"

"Of course it is Juho, I'm hardly going to send you away over something like this. Not after everything we've gone through together. And besides, I'd rather you ask me for help than go to one of the other hyungs about it."

 

They both laughed at that and stayed a little longer to talk more. When they returned to the dorms Juho knew he had a lot to think about but somehow he already felt much lighter. It took a few days of contemplating before he finally came to the conclusion that Rowoon was right - he did have a crush on Youngbin. It didn't feel like an epiphany or anything, more just an acceptance of the evidence before him. And when he managed to corner his best friend again to tell him, it was like a weight he never knew he carried had been lifted. 

Nothing changed so much after that, except for Juho now having a name to put to his feelings. He accepted that he was going to find himself watching Youngbin, which was mostly fine except during dance practice. Because their leader still insisted on wearing shorts and sleeveless tops and Juho sometimes getting so distracted by the way his muscles moved through the mirror that he missed steps. No one except for Rowoon knew why, they always just thought it was the exhaustion getting to him. And of course Youngbin being the great leader he is offered to stay after everyone else finished to help him run through the choreo again - just the two of them. Needless to say, those few hours definitively confirmed that Juho did indeed have a huge crush.

As their comeback date approached and they all had their dance perfected, Juho wondered what he was going to do about his crush. It certainly didn't seem like it was going to go away any time soon. If anything, accepting the fact that he had feelings for Youngbin seemed to make them grow stronger. Rowoon suggested dropping hints to see if Youngbin liked him back, but the thought of their leader finding out about his crush almost made him have a panic attack - so they scrapped that idea. The problem was that ever since he admitted to himself that he had a crush he had ended up avoiding Youngbin. Juho wanted to think he didn't notice, but being their ever observant leader of course he did.

 

Juho could have hidden it a little better. He was always acting cute and playful with the other members; shyly clinging on to Jaeyoon, teasingly biting Inseong, having dance-offs with Taeyang and rap battles with Hwiyoung. Of course the member he was closest to was Rowoon. They were almost inseparable, always talking in hushed tones and cuddling in the waiting rooms. Even Chani and Dawon got their share of Juho's attention. But for some reason ever since they started preparing for this comeback, Youngbin noticed Juho had been acting differently around him.

It wasn't that obvious at first, just stares across the table in the dorm or through the mirror in the dance room. It didn't make Youngbin think anything was off. But then he started leaving rooms when Youngbin was in them or trying to sit as far away from him as possible. And try as he might, Youngbin couldn't think of what he did that caused this change in behaviour. It only got worse as the comeback neared and Youngbin thought maybe it was just stress. The younger rapper started making mistakes in dance practice and forgetting lyrics of his raps. Youngbin was worried about him, so he started watching a little closer to see if there was anything he could pick up on. And while he didn't find any reason for Juho to be avoiding him, he did start to notice other things.

Like how smoothly Juho's raps sounded when he was in the zone, pouring all kinds of emotion into the words. Or how fierce he looked after finishing a gruelling rehearsal; sweat making his skin shine and sticking his hair to his forehead. Youngbin knew all the members were hard-workers and incredibly talented, but this comeback he really saw Juho's passion and dedication. So when the younger slipped up at all he did what any good leader would do and offered to help him get better. And as they all perfected their dance and vocals, Youngbin couldn't help pay special attention to Juho. 

He always looked so handsome. That was a thought that crossed Youngbin's mind randomly during their jacket photo shoot. And it was true, all the members of the group were handsome in Youngbin's opinion, but whatever the stylists had done made Juho look especially outstanding that day. Then during their music video recording, he found himself enthralled by Juho's scene. The pain he conveyed in his rap was perfectly matched to the broken but attractive look he was giving in his shots. Of course Youngbin knew that all the boys worked very hard, but it seemed Juho was working the hardest. Unfortunately, it became harder to catch the younger at any chance to tell him that. Whenever he did manage to find him he would be seeking attention from someone else, and if he was alone when Youngbin was there he seemed oddly quiet and shy. It was strange, they had known each other for so long that surely this shouldn't be a thing. And yet as they had their showcase and first live stages Juho continued to stare at him from across the room but never looked for Youngbin's attention. He wasn't sure why it made him feel so uneasy.

"Easy Love" was well received by their fans, in fact they seemed to gain a lot of attention with this comeback. That was great, it was just what they wanted and Youngbin knew he should be ecstatic. But there was a feeling in his chest that he couldn't name whenever he caught Juho's eyes watching him only for the younger to quickly look away and busy himself with something else. Youngbin wanted to ask what was the matter, if he had done something to upset the pink-haired boy. Only, whenever he tried to approach the subject Juho drew in on himself and either tried to change the conversation or made an excuse to leave. Youngbin didn't realise how much he missed Juho's attention and his company until it was replaced by this awkwardness between them.

 

 

Youngbin really had no idea what had changed to make Juho less affectionate with him than all the others, but he knew it must be something. The others had picked up on it too, and even some fans had mentioned that he and Juho seemed to be less close this comeback. It wasn't until one day as they were doing some work in the studio that he finally got his answer. The four rappers had stayed late into the night working on different things, but the two younger members had to leave early in the morning for school. Youngbin waved them off like the proud ~~father~~ leader he was and couldn't help but laugh at how the maknaes pretended to struggle against Juho's goodbye hugs but really they loved them. It was cute, and Youngbin missed also getting that kind of affection from the pink-haired rapper. So he decided to jokingly bring it up and see what happened.

 

"They're little brats, but they do love the affection."

"Yeah, Rowoon is always complaining about how they fight against his cuddles but they never really try and escape. Unless it's on camera."

"Of course, because our rapper maknaes would never admit to fans that they enjoy being babied."

"No way, it would ruin their reputation!"

"You don't mind the camera catching you being all mushy though. You're always clinging on to the other members. Except for me that is."

"Wha-what are you talking about hyung?"

"I was just making the point that you always cuddle and play with the other guys but you never seem to want to hug me."

 

Juho panicked. Youngbin's tone was light and teasing but he had obviously noticed this for a while and was pouting at him. Which meant that he had probably noticed Juho's staring all the time too, which was bad. His brain went into overdrive trying to think of an excuse but he got too flustered and his mouth started running by itself. 

 

"Well I don't have a crush on any of the other members so that's probably why."

"Wait - a crush? You have a crush on me?"

"I mean - wait no I didn't mean to say that out loud. Oh god - please pretend I never said anything."

 

His face had turned a shade of pink to match his hair and Youngbin's brain was whirling with the revelation of Juho's words. The younger hadn't been avoiding him because of something he did wrong, but because of feelings he was afraid weren't returned. That would explain all the staring too, and how he kept messing up when they practised together. Youngbin let his mind spin a little more and thought about his own strange feelings that he had been having since the start of this comeback. Maybe he had a crush too.

 

"Hyung I'm really sorry, I'm just - I'm going to go."

"No wait! I - come here a second."

 

Reluctantly Juho shuffled over towards Youngbin. The leader had an unreadable look on his face and Juho couldn't bear to meet his eyes. He couldn't believe that he had just blurted out his confession like that, not only was it embarrassing but he had no idea what Youngbin was going to do. Juho definitely wasn't expecting a soft giggle and a hand on his chin, lifting his face so that they were looking at one another straight on. 

 

"I really am sorry hyung, I didn't mean to say that."

"Do you mean it?"

"Do I - what?"

"Did you mean it, do you really have a crush on me?"

"I mean - yeah, I do. I'm sorry."

"Why are you apologising for that? There's nothing you've said right now that you should be sorry for."

"I was worried."

"There's nothing to worry about, I promise."

 

A member of staff could walk in at any moment, but Youngbin didn't care. All he wanted was to show Juho that his feelings were not something that needed to be apologised for. So he tilted his chin up and met Juho's lips with his own in a tender kiss. It lasted only a few seconds, but Youngbin hoped that it got his feelings across. Juho's eyes were wide open in shock and Youngbin worried for a moment that he had broken the younger. But then something obviously clicked in his brain and he pulled Youngbin in closer and stole another kiss; this one slightly longer but still just as gentle. They broke apart and sighed happily. Youngbin decided that yes, he definitely had a crush too.

 

Nothing had changed really. Youngbin was still their strong, reliable leader who made sure everyone's needs were met and they always kept working hard. Juho was still their clingy, playful rapper who smothered everyone with cuddles and affection and played along with the younger's antics. Only Youngbin was no longer oblivious to his own feelings and Juho had embraced the role of "giving the leader kisses when he needs them" with relish. The other members didn't pass any heed when the two of them would be wrapped in a tangle of limbs on the dorm couch after a particularly long day of promotions, and Dawon took their new level of affections to mean that he could freely go around kissing the other members on their cheeks when the least expected it. 

The way they fell for one another wasn't an epiphany moment, but rather a gradual building up every day and falling in love all over again.

**Author's Note:**

> This piece is part of my Soft Fics 9 initiative!! If you would like to request a pairing please come check me out on tumblr @softfics9 or leave a comment here! Also if you want to help me out on my mission to write 72 fluffy pieces you're more than welcome to join, come talk to me and we can discuss writing!!


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